|
 Author | Topic: Warhammer 40k: The rise of the new Marine chapter (Read 127 times) |
Ash
Graphic Designer
Angel of death
member is offline
![[avatar]](http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/outbreak553/avatars/ththmontypyhthon.gif)
I did get better...
![[yim]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/yim.gif)
Joined: Jun 2007
Gender: Male 
Posts: 100
Location: Under your bed..
Karma: 3 |  | Warhammer 40k: The rise of the new Marine chapter
« Thread Started on Jul 31, 2007, 12:55pm » | |
Alright first of all i am not the ebst with grammer and puncatiton If you haven't noticed already. Well giveme a break i like warhammer 40k and stuff i decied to write a story on my dad's marine army and use a few of my Necromunda character like my gang leade Jim wolfe and stuff. The story is about how the new chapter came to power quickly.. This first post is the introduation for it i know i messed up a lot of thigns give me a break..
Introduction: Squad Beta 893 the end of it...
A bolt gun went off not to far from him. He seen a man standing over him it was a space marine Apothecary. He looked to his left and seen more space marines his right, well the same thing. He couldn’t move his right arm that well he looked down and seen most of it blown off! The apothecary that was working on the arm offered him a drink form a canteen that he had on him. He took it with his left hand and he took a drink out of it. He remembered now where he was. On the planet Armageddon. His squad was ambushed by a small group of orks they were well equipped they took out most of his squad, but he just remembers being shot in the arm and then hit in the face with the butt of a shotgun. He leaned forward and looked out over the jungle they were on a hill the sun was setting and he looked right in front of him to see a dead Ork his face caved in and bullet holes all over his chest.
As he came to the Apothecary patted him on the back and he walked off over to the rest of the squad. His arm hurt badly he couldn’t move it. He looked across the jungle some smoke could be seen through the rooftops of the trees from small Ork camps. He seen a commander and he got up and he feel back down. He felt the whole world tilt on him. The commander came over to him and he took off his helmet and held out his hand. This wasn’t normal for a space marine commander... he thought as he shook his hand. It was a Legion Dacono’s Sergeant. They were the new Chapter that sent a bunch of their spare space marines here. “I am glade to see you walking trooper. From what the Apothecary told me that you are going to be fine just need to rest awhile after you get your new arm. You’re lucky we were one patrol because you would have been dead. The rest of your squad didn’t make it you’re the only survivor.” Said the Sergeant his voice stern, but comforting. “Sorry Sir I am Private Wolfe sir.” Wolfe says as he salutes to him. The Sergeant starts to laugh. “Private Wolfe as you have no need to salute to me.” He says as he sits on his helmet... “Yes sir, but why did you save us? Most marines would have just killed the orks and left us for dead.” Wolfe asks as he looks around for his lasgun. “If you’re looking for your gun it is broken and no need for it we are setting up a permitor around this area. We are staying here tonight.” He says as he continues to question Wolfe most of the time tell it was around midnight. “Alright thanks for the answers get some rest. By the way the name is Jack Sparta. Just call me Jack and here.” Jack says as he gives him a bolt pistol and Wolfe had stuck it in his side weapon holster.
Tell me what you think for the introduction...
|
![[image]](http://i81.photobucket.com/albums/j225/outbreak553/Sigs/Teamsig.jpg) |
|
Gabriel Loken
Global Moderator
member is offline
![[aim]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/aim.gif)
Joined: Jun 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 36
Location: Los Angeles, California
Karma: 3 | | Re: Warhammer 40k: The rise of the new Marine chap
« Reply #1 on Jul 31, 2007, 2:58pm » | |
Dude, you play Warhammer 40k? Sweet! So do I! lol.
Ok now that that is out of the way, lets get onto the story. Alright, the idea for the intro was good, "An ork ambush kills all but one imperial guardsmen in a platoon that is then saved by a patrol of Space Marines." It could've been executed better, but hey, all of us here can confest to a time where we could've done better. All in all, it's fine, just try to elborate a bit more on certain things, like the battle at the beginning, to give your fluff a bit of flare.
| |
|
Ash
Graphic Designer
Angel of death
member is offline
I did get better...
Joined: Jun 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 100
Location: Under your bed..
Karma: 3 | | Re: Warhammer 40k: The rise of the new Marine chap
« Reply #2 on Jul 31, 2007, 5:40pm » | |
kool -needs to dig out his imperal guard army..-
Thanks for the review i made an orc army i don't have the figs yet i need to wait tell i can get them but the next chapter is going to have the Ork WAGGH show their faces!!! Yeah i made my own Waggh thats the one i am using in the story. well i am kinda doing more deatils on the sorrding area's and more stuff.
|
|
|
Ash
Graphic Designer
Angel of death
member is offline
I did get better...
Joined: Jun 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 100
Location: Under your bed..
Karma: 3 | | Re: Warhammer 40k: The rise of the new Marine chap
« Reply #3 on Jul 31, 2007, 9:35pm » | |
Chapter one: The fetal mistake!
He fell asleep and woke up to a heavy bolter going off. He quickly grabbed his helmet and rushed over to where the heavy bolter was going off many of the other space marines were firing off their bolt guns at the orks that were coming up the hill to them. Wolfe made his way to the apothecary and he asked what was going on. “They attacked us a few minutes ago they hit us hard one dead. Can you fire a bolt gun with one hand?” He answered as he handed him a bolt gun. Wolfe felt the weight in the gun and he had to hold it onto his shoulder and he made it to where the sand bags were and he set it down on them and he flicked the safety off and onto one and fired. The loudness of the gun and the kick of it scared him at first then he felt something his hit leg and seen a few clips sitting next to him and a scout had a huge box of ammo on him. The scout smiled and took off back to the heavy bolter and he fed in another belt of ammo. Wolf flicked it onto three round burst and he started to let off three round burst. He seen a war truck came out of the trees and he started to yell. “WAR TRUCK!!!” at the top of his lunges and a marine came over and started to fire his plasma gun at it. Wolfe reloaded his Boltgun and he started to fire at it when he seen an Ork on the back with a quad heavy bolters and had the back filled with orks. “Where is the sergeant?!” He asked the marine the marine pointed behind him and seen the commander have his power sword out and his plasma pistol out. He shouldered his gun and he ran back with the two other clips in his pant pocket. “Wolfe get on the radio and call in a Razorback that is armed for anti vehicle weapons and get here ASAP!!” He roared as he ran to the front line and fired at the War truck. Wolf went over to the radio and he tried to get a single then he got one. “This is squad Beta 893 we are in need of a Razorback ASAP armed for anti vehicle.” He said into the head set. “This is Blackwing we are on our way to you position Beta squad. Hang tight for a few more minutes.” Said another voice as he seen a large green and black tank speed down the path and stop close to Wolfe. The top turret of the gun spun and pointed at the war truck and fired its duel melta guns. A loud his was heard when it hit the side of the truck and the orks screamed as they felt it hit there flesh. The sergeant roared orders to the squad member as he and two Marines got in and the Sergeant grabbed Wolfe and pushed him into a seat and he buckled him in and he told the driver to head back to the main base. The War truck was no more he noticed that the two marines that were there were the Apothecary and one other guy was a marine that was holding a Combine weapon bolter and plasma gun. He felt the entire tank kick on and they took off down the road as they seen a pair of land speeders fly next to it armed with melta guns.
The land speeders roared by as they came to the spot a whole swarm of orks were coming at them. They started to fire the pilot started off down the hills. The scout finally got done handing out the magazines and he grabbed his sniper rifle and took off to the nearest trees and he started to climb it when he seen a Killa Kan making its way through the trees. The noise it made when it hacked down trees and the fumes that were coming out of his back. His eyes were watering and he was trying not to cough from the fumes he couldn’t drop down and go tell them because the Killa Kan would see him. He has his sniper rifle and behind the Killa Kan he seen a few war trucks and behind them he seen a huge line for Orks some armed with weapon other were loading weapons. The smell made him almost puke. Then in the back he saw the WAGGGH leader. He was on a Battlewagon that was covered in stuff then he seen the banner. The blood skulls.. He has heard many stories of them being the most deadly because they rip the heads off of their enemies and they drink the blood and keep everything intact on them and hang them from belts and things. He then seen the pair of land speeders fly over head and they started to fire at the Ork WAGGGH that was coming towards them. All of a sudden a loud explosion was heard and both of the land speeders collided into the ground. The scout climbed higher in the tree and he watched as all them passed and he then seen Gretchen crawling up the tree. He waited tell it got near him and he hit it in the head with his gun caving its face in.
|
|
|
Ash
Graphic Designer
Angel of death
member is offline
I did get better...
Joined: Jun 2007
Gender: Male
Posts: 100
Location: Under your bed..
Karma: 3 | | Re: Warhammer 40k: The rise of the new Marine chap
« Reply #4 on Aug 7, 2007, 12:01pm » | |
Chapter 2: The story
The razor back roared down the road Wolfe heard a loud laugh and a bolt gun go off and he looked through a crack and seen a bunch of Ork bikers. “How much farther tell we get to the base?” asked Jack as he looked out the slit and he seen a crap load of bikers. “About 2 miles tell me are in the turret defense that’s were there is a rhino waiting for you there. He will take you the rest of the way there.” Said the driver as a bunch of heavy bolters went off and a rhino came out of the forest and the back end of it opened up and a squad of space marines came out all guns blazing. The Razor back turned and the back end of it opened up and Wolf went to the rhino and same with Jack and his two body guards. A pair of other space marines jumped into the back one with a heavy bolter and the other with a melta gun. The Rhino took off down the road to a huge fortress.
The scout watched as the Gretchen feel and he looked and he jumped down and took off through the forest. Tree braches whipped his face as he ran by he has cuts on his face now and he came to a hill and he looked up and seen a squad of imperial guards men hiding behind some rocks one was shot in the arm he could tell. He looked over the wall and seen a weird metal figure walking towards them. He came over the wall and he slides the rest of the way. “What’s the situation?” He asked the nearest guardsmen. “There was a pair of them, but we got one with a plasma gun then John got his arm shot by one of there guns he is slowly losing it.” The guardsmen replied as he fiddled with a radio that he had. “Hang on.” The scout said as he took a hellfire bullet and he put it in his rifle. The scout took off down the side of the wall again and he went around and he had his rifle trained on him and he pulled the trigger and the gun let out a loud bang and smoke came out the back of the gun and a small flame came out the front and the bullet connected to its head taking it right off. The scout then made his way back. “I got him.” He said as he reloaded his gun. “Thanks by the way what’s your name? Mines Rick” Rick says as he goes to put his radio back. “Jackson and we will need that.” Said Jackson as he started to fiddle with it tells he had gotten in. “This is scout 7369 reporting in. I have some info. The war band Bloodskullz is moving to the fortress and we had some encounter with a unknown enemy. Do you copy over?” He says into the head set as he waits for a reply. “Scout 7369 we are sending a Land speeder for you the guardsmen with you are ordered to get out of there ASAP!” Replied the person on the other side. “Alright” Scout 7369 said as he told them what had happened and they took off as soon as the got the wounded ready. After about ten minutes of waiting he seen a land speeder come into view and he waved it down and he waited tell is got close enough to the ground and he jumped into the gunners seat. “Sorry it took me so long a lot of traffic at the main base...” The pilot says as they take off back to the base.
The rhino pulled into the base and everyone got out and a few servitors started to repair it and gas it up and other things. Jack took Wolf to the commander they passed a pair of guards who were terminators that were right out side the door. Every door they went through had at least a minimum of 2 terminators there. The last door there were about a squad of them as the entered a huge room that was really dark and had few lights on. There was a long table in the middle of the room a pair of men sat on both sides of the commander. Wolfe knew what they were a librarian and a Chaplin… The commander set down a holo-foil and he spoke. His voice was deep and stern just like Wolfs father. He said “Jonathan Willard Wolfe of Beta Squad? You are the only survivor? We have received a message from one of our scouts that a War band of Orks is coming this way.. Would you agree?” Ask the Chapter master as he eyed John. “Yes sir” John replied with a salute. The Chaplin laughed. “Sir may I take the boy and get his arm fixed up?” asked the Chaplin as he started to get up. “You many brother...” The chapter master replied as he started to talk to the rest of the group. The Chaplin escorted John to the Medic station and they put him out for a few minutes and he awoke with a brand new robotic arm. The Chaplin then escorted him to the temple. “I wanted to have a word with you in private. Only I and the empire can here you now I want to know what had happened and every detail. Please tell me everything...” He said as he handed him a cup with some coffee in it. John retold the story three times to the Chaplin who absorbed it like a sponge.
|
|
|
|
![[Home]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/menu/home.gif)
![[Help]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/menu/help.gif)
![[Search]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/menu/search.gif)
![[Login]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/menu/login.gif)
![[Register]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/menu/register.gif)
![[Search This Thread]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/search2.gif)
![[Send Topic To Friend]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/buttons/sendtopic.gif)
![[Print]](http://s4.images.proboards.com/buttons/print.gif)
Logged